Love shouldn’t hurt.

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What is love? According to Dictionary.com love is defined as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person, a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend, a sexual passion or desire, a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart. This doesn’t really describe what it is. This describes the action on which a person might feel. According to the Bible,Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV). This puts love in simple understanding terms to what actually is. But notice in both definitions, they don’t mention hurt. We sometimes get confused on what love is because some of us never experienced it or others still aren’t sure of what it really is. Our emotions are really hard to understand sometime especially for us women, because we feeling more than one at a time. Even though we aren’t sure of what we are feeling its important not to confuse yourself and others about what you are feeling.

When we speak of love it has to be mutual. you can’t love someone who doesn’t love you back. If they don’t love you back then you can’t say its love because you’re uncertain and this can bring anxiety  or nervousness. The worrying, distress, uneasiness are all apart of fear. Fear is an emotion that can break you down because you don’t know what can happen and when it can happen. Along with the nervousness you feel, it can make you feel horror. Horror is the terror, shock, panic, or fright feeling you get when you fear something or someone. These emotion can be confused if you aren’t sure if someone loves you back.

The next big feeling we feel is sadness, which can be broken down to shame, disappointment, neglect, suffering, sympathy, and sadness. The guilt and regret of shame to the dismay and displeasure of disappointment can lead to the humiliation and rejection of neglect. With neglect you can also feel loneliness and insecurities if you don’t love yourself first. If you don’t love yourself first you can feel the hurt and agony of suffering. The suffering can make you pity yourself, sympathy. All of these are parts of sadness which is ultimately a combination of grief, misery, hopelessness, that left ignored you can slip into depression. Sadness can hurt you mentally if you don’t understand what your feeling. Be honest with yourself.

Anger is the worst feeling of all and that can come about at any time. Anger is composed of disgust, envytorment, exasperation, irritation and rage. If you find yourself in contempt or revulsion then you feel disgust. to disgust is to loath, an extreme dislike. At times when we dislike a person it’s usually because we are jealous of them or something they have that we want. As women most of us will never admit to being jealous but deep down we might be. The jealousness that we try to hide can torment us and cause frustration. Frustration is a part exasperation or extreme annoyance. That annoyance builds up to grumpiness, and grouchiness. Both parts of irritation. This can all lead up to the worst, rage. Rage can make you feel dislike. It also brings hostility which can make you feel outrage, fury, and bitterness. The resentment that accumulates can make you scorn and hate. This hate can cause wrath and spite. The worst thing that can come about is vengefulness. This is what you feel when you’re hurt by someone, and this is what you might do to get back at someone. Being vengeful starts a cycle that’s hard to break. Because of your hurt feelings you may take that out on the next person, but then they can never feel true love.

Lastly there’s tough love. This isn’t love. When someone physically or mentally abuses you, its domestic violence. Usually the person that does this controls you in some way shape or form and you may not realize it before it’s too late. This can also be confused for when a friend is actually trying to help you by giving you constructive criticism.  Its important to know how to distinguish constructive criticism from being a bully. Its easy to slip into being a bully but it’s knowing when to far is too far. When someone gives you constructive criticism it’s because they are trying to help you better yourself, they want to see you succeed in life. If their intentions aren’t centered around that, then in most cases it’s not love.

I spoke of lots of emotions and I hope you understand that love can’t hurt you. It’s the only feeling that makes you feel a sense of joy. It comforts you can cure you of any other feeling. It can’t hurt you because that isn’t what love is. There are lots of people and songs that can say love sucks or that it’s stupid and can hurt but that’s because they never felt real love or have been hurt. People can hurt you, why? We are people and we make mistakes. Our feelings are very real, and can misguide or mislead our judgment of others and their feelings. Arguments can happen and you might think just that person why of loving you but it’s not. arguing is normal for any couple, family, anyone with opposing view points. it’s apart of life to get upset, but that isn’t love. those days when you’re not feeling great can make you feel sad, that’s also normal, but its not love. we all get scared or someone might scare us, but that isn’t love. you now know the emotions, and its okay to feel them all, but don’t mistake them for love. check out this map for a graph showing the emotions and how they are connected.

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